re: traumagenic misandry, racism, white women, my ambiguous racial status
I wanted to be a white guy, but I’m realizing I’ve wanted to be a white girl too. I found a white girl archetype that’s closest to my looks (brunette and pale and “weird” - think Zooey Deschanel) and decided I had to aspire to be that..
Since I’ve received mixed messages about how white I am actually perceived as by society, the racist ideas I’ve internalized are also a jumble. Some of them harm me. Some of them harm others more.
The racist meme I feel the most regret for accepting uncritically for the longest time is the one about white women being inherently “innocent”. When it came down to it, when I was faced with evidence that white women oppress/abuse men and women of color, I accepted that evidence and consciously rejected that meme.
But I am still ashamed to have ever benefited from it.
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