my autistic nb trans masc experience 

I'm nonbinary and have fluctuating gender dysphoria/euphoria. I used to try to think of myself as always the same person, just genderfluid, but my levels of emotional amnesia have made me start using a multiples/plurality framework instead.

The body is female, probably not intersex. The alters include wlw and ace-spec bi trans mascs.

We have never pursued biomedical transition for fear it would turn out it wasn't what we all wanted, as well as not feeling up to negotiating with transphobic gatekeepers and relatives.

We used to want top surgery, but due to trauma are now terrified of surgery in general. We still wish the chest/breasts were smaller because it would hurt less and be a good compromise between the alters.

We illogically worry about being not masculine enough wrt cishet men & masculine trans men, too masculine wrt wlw, nonbinary people, & femgay trans men, and just plain clueless wrt out trans men, trans men on T, etc

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