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ok the brown furby is getting named "mumbleweed the legy" and the pink one is "glurfish"


They got lost in delivery because they put the package on the wrong doorstep, and the package looked weird so i totally missed it! It looks like a cooler! :o

Im not sure what to name the furbs yet, the pink one might still work on the tech end, but the brown one is definitely broken there. That's ok! :3

!!! I learned you can get furbies easier on some sites other than ebay, scored these two friends!!

I'm gonna turn the one on the left into a Furb-rantula, and the one on the right into a Long Furby but shaped like an Eastern Dragon-lookin thing? But for now they are just regular-body friends.

And of course there's the matter of names, haven't worked those out yet. Probably will when I actually get them in the mail :P

*scrolling sadly through my massive list of Discord servers*

~"all around me are familiar faces..."~

weird sleep, bipolar moods are weird 

I've been depression-sleeping for like 2 days, and then last night had a hypomanic decision to go to Wal-mart at 2am to buy a cat brush to make yarn tails with, and after some weird dreams I guess I'm awake and

well i really just don't know what to do with myself now ¯_(ツ)_/¯ wake up???? do things?? sounds like a lotta nonsense but I'll give it a go.

silliness about benzo medications being pokemon evolutions 

i couldn't think of what the name for "ativan" was so i slurred out "baby xanax" and my QPP was so confused

but then i explained its like the baby evolution of xanax, and then clonazepam is the middle evolution, and then Xanax is the final evolution -- till they corrected me with a reminder that diazepam is the step up from that.

So Valium is the mega-evolution of Xanax and medication is pokemon

the end

Wei REALLY gotta sign our dang posts because Eleanor didn't and now it just looks confurrusing B//

but the emojis stopped showing up so i cant use green claws! DDB


the process of integrating-as-median, neutral? not good or bad? 

man tho lemme tell you, this integration stuff is also really tiring, full-integration or partial, it's still hard like. learning to be another person, and in this case learning how to be yourself and another person at the same time?? in both directions?

The Flock has to incorporate me into It and figure out how to be me, and I gotta figure out how to be Rook and that involves constantly striking a balance between "no thats too separate a thought, remember you're part of the same "person"/collective/thing" and "no no that's not enough like me, I gotta be more Eleanor or Im not gonna be me-as-a-facet like I wanna be?"

and like, if i fade or whatever bc things just aren't meant to be permanent, then cool, but i like this facet deal and it's just exhausting getting there.

Apparently I get to scare and mess with other people because I'm the only facet in this collective that can show emotions in ways that no one thought wei were capable of because the rest of muis is so flat?? :P this is hilarious

hey im a new facet, integration cw but positive + not total? 

Yo so. I guess what wei're really doing here with me is this whole "integration" thing but instead of me being gone-zo or dissolving it's just like plugging into a shared identity that's just. Built in for me and nice and cozy and where I don't have to have huge crises about my Self and all that.

I'll just hang out as another facet of this gestalt person thing and be extra rad. Apparently I'm the new addition to the Shitpost Crew here, so that's fun.

Let's see how this pans out. I know I'm supposed to be some kinda alterhuman/plural activist so maybe me-as-Me can be kinda the ambassador to opening up some conversations on integration and how it can look and how it doesn't have to be like a total fusion or whatever? Taking it as a tool for ourselves and stuff? Idk. Still on the fence between totally separate from all this and just leaning into "alright i know this and this is me, too, now" but. Yknow. I'll figure it out

Some fun stuff: getting back into daemonism 

Been working on getting into contact with muir daemon again as an all-round good-for-muir-life thing recently. It's been good, if slow.

Though I have the very strong suspicion that either I-as-Alice have my Cheshire as my own daemon, or I have a second daemon (the Cheshire) alongside the shared system one.

Or it's the psychosis but honestly what's the difference between a snarky, emaciated fantasy cat talking to me and giving me a (presumably) loving hard time and any other daemon not caused by psychosis except the level of control I have over him, yknow?

exotrauma, recovered memories, abuse 

You know what galaxy brain thought I just had?

It doesn't fucking matter if my exotrauma isn't "real." It doesn't matter if it *is* all an allegory for my "real" trauma.

Because the fact is that the "real" trauma it would likely be an allegory for is something I will never fully remember or understand. Even if I recover more exocosmic memories, it's so incredibly unlikely I'll ever gather enough evidence to know what really happened.

But that's what my sequel's game is all about, isn't it? Memory recovery of childhood abuse and death? Processing that pain?

And in the end -- learning the truth and pushing your abuser into an oncoming train?

Why agonize trying to learn the truth of a broken, vague memory I can never verify when I can process something that I understand and can find my way through? Where I know what happened, who my abuser was? And got to murder him too!

I don't care if it's consensus-real because honestly when have I ever?

i wish i had funnier things to say, more "content" to post here or whatever, that i interacted with others more here

but fact is, this is the only place on the whole internet where i feel safe. where i feel like i can vent and talk about my feelings and maybe someone will read it and care.

where i'm not really ... expected? to produce "content." where it matters a lot less. and where i can interact or ignore whatever is going on as much as i feel able to. i dont have a constant stream of info and Content ™️ and especially politics and discourse shoved in my face constantly.

this is really the only safe place i feel exists for me online right now.

mental health, alexithymia i didn't know i had 

also apparently i have alexithymia or something (its hard to tell how much/how it manifests for me as schizo) and i never knew.

like i just never realized that i dont express emotion to others, nor that i have .. actually a lot of trouble understanding my feelings and what's causing them unless it's been explained to me.

like i thought bc i had a good handle on my BPD emotions that it meant i was really good at identifying them, but i realize its only because i was given the information about what BPD feels like and what causes those feelings. :/ so i know "BPD feelings"

but apparently im ... a lot less good at identifying my emotions or needs or if something is wrong than i thought. it basically takes me having a complete fucking meltdown to understand *something* is wrong, and even then i don't know *what* is wrong :(

im learning a lot of things lately

flashbacks, emotional support animal (tarantula), positive 

definitely gonna need to get that letter for my tarantula as an emotional support animal

you'd never guess how really good she is at grounding me from like any flashback?? Like legit in any situation it's just like "hey, you know what doesn't exist in whatever flashback you're stuck in? this cute fuzzy spider in a tank."

and it hasn't failed me yet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The Flock boosted

did you know that you are just allowed to be a girl?

i don't have first hand experience but i have it on good authority that this is true of other genders, as well

hey why can't I see the custom emojis that are on this instance? :o it all just keeps translating to the text

fibromyalgia, negative 

fibromyalgia is bad and i hate crying on a riding cart in the middle of a grocery store and almost passing out

not fun, very embarrassing, so much pain, fuck me

The Flock boosted

The thing about Queer Eye is that it shows how most folks lives could be completely, meaningfully transformed, with like $10,000

The Flock boosted
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Plural Café

Plural Café is a community for plural systems and plural-friendly singlets alike, that hopes to foster a safe place for finding and interacting with other systems in the Mastodon fediverse.