negative, meds talk, doctor talk, vague death mention, etc 

ayyyyyyyyy the crash i've been expecting since I started tapering off our meds is here

people hjave been like oh wow it's so good and healthy and special that you're coming off those bad chemicals :) :) :) but literally i'm only doing it because my doctor moved, it's not a choice

i got the letter about it a month late so i didn't have any kind of handover to another doctor

im just glad i got a letter at all so i could measure it out and not stop cold turkey

I tried to go to a new place reputed as being safe and good for trans folks and got publicly ridiculed by the receptionist and told to go back to my suburb

so doctors are too much and too hard and i just decided to give up. i honestly expect to not make it another year, i wasw so bad without them and now im off again.

i expected the one good thing though was to have some more company at front more regularly and it's not really shaking out that way

🦁​

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re: negative, meds talk, doctor talk, continued 

i want to talk a little bit more about trying to go to this other doctor because it was so fucked up

my previous doctor was a half hour drive away and i wanted to go to a new place anyway, so i thought my doctor moving was actually a hidden good thing

this new place was a 3 minute drive from my house, and people had said they're really good for trans folks. I'm not really Trans tm, I'm vaguely under the umbrella, but I don't have any trans-specific medical needs. but i thought the environment of a trans accepting place would be nice. Plus they were cheaper too. Bonuses all around.

So I checked their website, and they had zero enrollment information. Annoying, but whatever. i picked a day to go to the clinic and enrol in person.

When I went, there were a bunch of people in the waiting room. I wasn't in any rush so I sat to the side to wait for a lull to talk to the receptionist.

They spot me and call out to me to ask what I need anyway, and I say I want to enrol. They got a bit icy and asked where I lived. I told them and they went to the back to look at a map. They came out and announced that I wasn't in their zone, and told me to go back to my suburb.

I was 3 minutes from home. It was bizarre. The whole waiting room was staring at me. Other people were waiting around to talk to the receptionist, and annoyed I was holding things up. I tried to say something about trying to see a specific doctor, for specific needs. The receptionist gave me a very strained smile and just said "Cheerio" and waved me away.

I didn't want to out myself or anyone else by talking loudly about trans health in the middle of a packed lobby, so I just left and cried in my car.

I emailed the clinic after, relating the experience and asking that they mention on their website that they have a small, restrictive enrolment area so that no one else had to do this.

The manager emailed me back almost immediately, telling me that their area was actually very large, and since I was specifically interested in trans health they would take me. But at that point, I felt so freaked out about the experience I didn't want to go back. Plus, since I didn't have any specific needs in terms of hormones and such, I didn't want to take the spot of another trans person who needed it more.

So I just never replied, and now I don't have a doctor.

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