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Re-doing our AGAIN because of the name change.

We're Hartstead. for up-to-date details and more info.

The primary front is Rai 🦁​, they are nonbinary, married to a singlet. Likes lions and video games.

Skyler :ms_8_asterisk:​​ is a common fronter, helps with protection and emotions. He's fond of computers, coding, EDM, and video games.

Storm 🌩️​ has been getting more comfortable with front, so you may see him around. High-energy dragon-person with an affinity for... storms. He likes bottle caps, spicy food, and cats.

Rory :ms_lion_without_mane:​​ is a mostly non-verbal little, possibly a literal lion cub. They communicate mostly in noises or pictures when fronting. They like to sleep and eat creamy things.

There are others who rarely front, but you may hear mention of them. Pepper, Stone, The Twins, and probably some others.

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Today's gender is bravery and the sound of waves crashing.

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re: negative, meds talk 

The past two days with no meds have been debilitating. But I found out the pills I thought were my smallest dose have two pills inside them!! So I have another step down I can go instead of 75 to 0 haha. So back on the meds again for another week or two. Relieved tbh, I didnt expect it to be this bad, and I couldnt have gone to work tomorrow like this.

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An inquiry into why things are happening so much and whether anything can be done to stop them

re: negative, meds talk, doctor talk, continued 

i want to talk a little bit more about trying to go to this other doctor because it was so fucked up

my previous doctor was a half hour drive away and i wanted to go to a new place anyway, so i thought my doctor moving was actually a hidden good thing

this new place was a 3 minute drive from my house, and people had said they're really good for trans folks. I'm not really Trans tm, I'm vaguely under the umbrella, but I don't have any trans-specific medical needs. but i thought the environment of a trans accepting place would be nice. Plus they were cheaper too. Bonuses all around.

So I checked their website, and they had zero enrollment information. Annoying, but whatever. i picked a day to go to the clinic and enrol in person.

When I went, there were a bunch of people in the waiting room. I wasn't in any rush so I sat to the side to wait for a lull to talk to the receptionist.

They spot me and call out to me to ask what I need anyway, and I say I want to enrol. They got a bit icy and asked where I lived. I told them and they went to the back to look at a map. They came out and announced that I wasn't in their zone, and told me to go back to my suburb.

I was 3 minutes from home. It was bizarre. The whole waiting room was staring at me. Other people were waiting around to talk to the receptionist, and annoyed I was holding things up. I tried to say something about trying to see a specific doctor, for specific needs. The receptionist gave me a very strained smile and just said "Cheerio" and waved me away.

I didn't want to out myself or anyone else by talking loudly about trans health in the middle of a packed lobby, so I just left and cried in my car.

I emailed the clinic after, relating the experience and asking that they mention on their website that they have a small, restrictive enrolment area so that no one else had to do this.

The manager emailed me back almost immediately, telling me that their area was actually very large, and since I was specifically interested in trans health they would take me. But at that point, I felt so freaked out about the experience I didn't want to go back. Plus, since I didn't have any specific needs in terms of hormones and such, I didn't want to take the spot of another trans person who needed it more.

So I just never replied, and now I don't have a doctor.

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negative, meds talk, doctor talk, vague death mention, etc 

ayyyyyyyyy the crash i've been expecting since I started tapering off our meds is here

people hjave been like oh wow it's so good and healthy and special that you're coming off those bad chemicals :) :) :) but literally i'm only doing it because my doctor moved, it's not a choice

i got the letter about it a month late so i didn't have any kind of handover to another doctor

im just glad i got a letter at all so i could measure it out and not stop cold turkey

I tried to go to a new place reputed as being safe and good for trans folks and got publicly ridiculed by the receptionist and told to go back to my suburb

so doctors are too much and too hard and i just decided to give up. i honestly expect to not make it another year, i wasw so bad without them and now im off again.

i expected the one good thing though was to have some more company at front more regularly and it's not really shaking out that way


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*gently baps fediverse*

I wandered off for a bit but I miss shouting into the void so wassup

Dissociation, gender stuff, menstruation 

The body contains an IUD (intra-uterine device) which has prevented menstruation for the past 7+ years. But I can tell it's effectiveness is dropping off because every now and then I either get spotting or some of the symptoms I used to get at the same time.

Today at work I realized my lower back pain and hip pain were most likely related to that, and immediately dissociated into the stratosphere. I was vaguely co-con with Rory who managed to get us home.

Rory is a lion cub. Why brain threw Rory to the front, i have no fucking idea.

They were just like "back hurt :( going home" and noped out of work an hour early.

I'm annoyed bc it seems silly that a normal routine function of the body distresses me so severely like that. I experience so little dysphoria these days, it catches me off guard. But if the IUD is starting to lose effectiveness, how do I navigate getting it changed. I tried a couple years ago but the doctor was just like 'it seems fine.'

Just big ugh all around. Hoping I make it through work tomorrow. Or that someone can.

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I'm a simple enby. I eat potato. I look like potato.

Mh - 

There's a technique called HALT for dealing with a bad mood to determine the source, but I'm not too sure what to do after I found the source. It's "are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?" and.... Yes, I am, thanks.
Hungry but I don't have the energy to cook, I'm angry about a dozen tiny inconsequential things, I'm lonely but refuse to burden anyone else with my presence, and yeah also tired. Good job, me! We did it! We found out why we feel like shit!
Now what, lol

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I found....... This on my phone. I think Storm wanted to announce his presence somewhere but I can't find anywhere he actually sent it. But it's very good and punny.

ideation vague 

like oh what you wanted to play dnd your whole life?? where here's like 4 opportunities, let's see how fast you self destruct!!! (spoiler: not long)

and nyone reading this will be like jeez why don'y you just go to therapy and I tried to butthere are none left. they're all full in my city. no one has any capacity to take me


*guess ill die meme but it's kinda not joking*

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im in swome kind of hell rn where i desperately want to do all the things i've been too depressed to try to do for years but i'm such a fucking tempermental mess that I fuck up literally every opportunity. im tired of wrecking friendships and hobbies

got an activity tracker to help with being slightly more active but it's also tracking my sleep and I know that we don't have GREAT sleep habits. But actually looking at the data telling me I've accrued a sleep debt of 17h this week is a bit jarring. Maybe I should ... get better at that

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petition to call dissociating an "epic alter moment"

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Plural Café

Plural Café is a community for plural systems and plural-friendly singlets alike, that hopes to foster a safe place for finding and interacting with other systems in the Mastodon fediverse.