teatime @teatime@plural.cafe

When I was cycling home from the train station, I noticed a whole lot of magnolia trees ("Magnolia × soulangeana") on the way.

I love those trees. I'm not too much into botanics, but seeing their fleshy, beautiful blossoms fully unfolded makes me ridiculously happy somehow.

It's not yet time for them to bloom, but they're getting ready. I'm looking forward to that. Maybe I'll go and explore the neighbourhood and see if there are some trees a bit more nearby. I usually don't take the time to go for a walk ("I'm so busy"), but dem trees would lure me out. 🌼

Hi all. I'm back from my kind-of-holidays. Body and mind are exhausted, but happy, like after a good workout.

A lot of work is waiting. Hardly know where to start. But the last days lifted my spirits and I'm optimistic now.

I learned some things important for me over the last days. Maybe I can share a bit of that over the next days. Tooting will be my self-imposed reward.

From tomorrow on I'll be away for one and a half weeks. Won't have time to read or write much, I guess.

Let's call it holidays. Close enough. I'll be in a very different environment, with a lot of people I am not used to have around. Some of them I will know. Pretty much all of them will be nice, I believe.

However, changing environments always kills my rhythm and destabilizes me somewhat. Would like to keep the continuity just now after I found a new way of looking inside myself. I really hope I can pick up later what I am stopping. ​

Over the next days, I need to explore some thoughts further, observe behaviour and closely pay attention to some curious sensations I consciously felt today for the first time.

Don't want to make too many claims (still sceptical about things), but I might post again about this. I hope I get reasons for posting, either way! 😄​

I'm excited!

Whenever I took some time off for myself to re-connect, to fix some thought patterns, to actively heal wounds, I often had a very distinct, intense feeling of harmony, self-love, and confidence in me in the future. That hasn't happen overly often, but whenever it did, it was quite a thing for me.

"Assuming to be plural" still sounds somewhat presumptuous, but also somewhat badly phrased. But whatever. Didn't want to go more into that for now.

So I sat down and did some thinking. And some writing. And some feeling. And some exploring and talking and more thinking. And I think I found something. Or met somebody. Actually I'm pretty sure. Would make so much sense. I felt this harmony and self-love again.

So, then, how can I know?

Wrong question. I can't. At least not now.

I searched for an answer to that question, because I thought it would "entitle" me to "think plural", which would ultimately help me. But despite my hopes, this does not seem to be my path.

Labels don't work. Label's don't help. Something that works helps. And how do I know if something works? Well, by trying it. Try it and see if it works.

Not: I understand, so I can try.
But: I try, so I can understand.

Those words sound trivial, but they express a kinda big revelation for me.

So this might not be a big thing to many here, but to me it is kind of a revelation that gives me new possibilities. I'm posting in case somebody else is struggling with the same problem.

So for ages I wondered: How can I know? Am I just a plurality fanboy or is there actually something plural going on inside? My mind feels too foggy to simply know, so how can I know eventually?

But saying "I am plural" is basically just putting a label on. However, neither some authority did, nor I, since how could I possibly know? Maybe labels help, but not for me right now.

short info:

Possibly related to plurality: Has anybody heard of Scanners (in terms of people)?

A Scanner is "someone fascinated by so many areas she can't settle for only one."

I'm not a big fan of labelling here, but it actually helped a lot of people. Barbara Sher coined the term and wrote a fair bit on it.

more details:

"To Scanners the world is like a big candy store full of fascinating opportunities, and all they want is to reach out and stuff their pockets."

"It sounds wonderful, doesn't it? The problem is, Scanners are starving in the candy store. They believe they're allowed to pursue only one path. But they want them all. If they force themselves to make a choice, they are forever discontented. But usually Scanners don't choose anything at all. And they don't feel good about it."

@foxes @V @chara @kara @JJJsystem and others
Omg people, not here for long and just got swamped with notifications about posts favourited and boosted! 😄​😂​👍​ Thanks a lot for your help and replies! 😍​

Often when I talk to other people, I behave and react in a way that seems strange to me, when I look back to it. "Why did I do this?" and "Can't believe that was me".

Sometimes I feel sluggish in conversations, or pressued to reply approprately, or I need ages to answer simple questions. "That reply won't work" and "Should be framed differently".

I wonder if it is "just perfectionism" or so, or some kind of internal debate I am not sensitive enough to fully perceive.

Over the last week, every day before going to bed I took some time to explore the Fediverse with it's wonderful inhabitants. And every day I find another improbable, great corner.

Tonight my Firefox will close tabs that introduced me to a lot of new instances and tooters, blogs and webcomics about slime people, new types of otherkin, 501c3 organizations and Frank Zappa's Goblin Girl.

I have the strong feeling I am not alone "in here". But I find it hard to tell. It looks quite foggy when I take a peek inside.

There are fleeting thoughts and urges every now and then that feel like they belong to some different person. Often I feel (retrospectively) that I am cutting myself off, somehow.

I would like voice those impulses more, understand them better. Or to facilitate some communication, if there is somebody or something to communicate with.

Found some websites that are over a decade old, and those were a nice starting point. But there must be something newer I am entirely missing. Happy about any hint! #AskMastodon #plurality #multiplicity

I'm quite impressed by the people here on this #instance! Some say they sense 10 or even 20 different personae. Wow. Managing such a big group sounds quite difficult. Even more so when many of them have separate accounts for something like tooting.

As far as I'm concerned, I need to figure some things out for myself first. Some things seem to be a bit off to me, feel not that straightforward. If somebody asked me whether I feel more single or more #multiple, then I couldn't wholeheartedly confirm either. Thinking quite a bit about that these days.

Wondered whether I should play the newbie card or keep an internetty air of mystery around me. I think here I/we prefer to open up a little instead of pretending to be cool.

Today I finally got it. The first toot does not need to be a hashtag-introduction toot. Duh.

Couldn't come up with a nice way to introduce myself one for weeks. So I'll just postpone the formal stuff until later.

Happy to join the party, hi all. 🙂