contrapoints (but more analysis this time), "conflicting needs", discussing misgendering - 1/5
Looks like Contrapoints has deactivated her Twitter account, which given how harsh the response to her recent posts has been I can't say I blame her for. A lot of folks felt attacked by her posts, and had a lot to say in response. I know I have, and I'm about to add more. There's a lot to criticize, but I've been thinking specifically about her use of "conflicting needs" here to justify the random dunk on enby folks, and I frankly think it just doesn't apply to this situation.
re: contrapoints (but more analysis this time), "conflicting needs", discussing misgendering - 2/5
Binary and non-binary trans folks have exactly the same need here: being gendered properly. By her own admission, she already has access to this, whether folks make assumptions based on appearance or not. Folks who use nonstandard pronouns, they/them or don't "pass" don't have that access, and need a way to get it, which is either sharing pronouns with introductions and/or defaulting to the unknown set (they/them†) and letting folks correct if they feel comfortable. Natalie knows this, which is why she pointed out that she'd begrudgingly accept the status quo of sharing pronouns in queer spaces despite her slight discomfort at being expected to share hers.
re: contrapoints (but more analysis this time), "conflicting needs", discussing misgendering - 3/5
† They/them is also used as the go-to neutral pronouns, which isn't quite the same as being the default unknown set - I wanted to point out this distinction because of the claim that the "they/them" default works for people who have they/them as their pronouns. I can say that, personally, default and intentional use of they/them feel quite different. And it's pretty obvious when folks use they/them only for trans peeps instead of as a default for everyone.
re: contrapoints (but more analysis this time), "conflicting needs", discussing misgendering - 5/5
Now, there are some folks that the norm of sharing pronouns can actually hurt‡, but all in all it seems like the option that works for the most people. There's no perfect solution, and when dealing with things this personal there never is... but we all need our proper pronouns used, our identity respected, and to feel properly included (not just as an afterthought). These aren't competing needs, they're universal.
‡ Couple of examples folks brought up to me over the past two days:
Folks who aren't ready to be out yet, who'd feel pressured into misgendering themselves.
Folks with trauma around sharing their pronouns, e.g. in their experience it's always been followed by abuse.
speculation re: contrapoints (but more analysis this time), "conflicting needs", discussing misgendering - 5/5
@starfall I wonder if she internalized the (binarist and gender-role-traditionalist) idea that /not being assumed to be/ your gender is equivalent to being misgendered. If she treats default-singular-they as default-nonbinary because she's not registering the difference between assuming a gender that's not binary and not assuming a gender at all.
That would certainly make something that felt to her like a competing access need, but only by her claiming a frankly trans-exclusionary 'need'.
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