....... now we're maybe just kinda melting into each other but i. uh. this still feels real confusing wow
i guess this is. what i wanted?? in terms of fronting..??? fuck if i know,,

yo what the fuck
i feel like i'm alone in this brain for the first time and it is kind of uhhh fucking terrifying??? or it was for a sec
we were acknowledging that we seem to be staying up late in a slightly self-destructive attitude and then i started getting anxious that it's supposed to be my job or whatever to care about stuff more than vance does and try to make us behave more healthy. and vance attempted to reassure me i think, but realized they couldn't like put their heart into it...... and then their voice just kinda, poofed??? in the way that i usually do. but i don't think it's happened to vance like that before. huh....... weird. they're starting to come around though, i think

one random little thing that's annoyingly difficult: watching shows and stuff.
even if i'm actively trying to watch something, we tend to zone out a little and i just naturally fade out and stop receiving sensory input or whatever.
anyway, thinking how i wish i had more to talk about, and the reasons that i don't.

so we ended up reading some tulpa guides the last couple days (for a variety of reasons including general curiosity and also for tips on improving me and vance's ability to converse, and me developing a stronger sense of identity) and uh. these fuckin suck lmao
also what's with the assumption tulpas are chicks,

the really funny thing about me existing and becoming more "'Real'" is that, if we continue writing the character soo jin takeda, then the more i diverge and grow my own unique identity, the more likely it is that a new Brain Ghost Soo Jin will rise to take my place

i wanna front when we go to the beach and catch ghost crabs!! owo
i'm pretty sure i'm just overall more interested in critters than vance lol

last boost: the biggest goddamn mood
the first time vance asked if i wanted to try fronting i was like 'nah dude, that shit sounds exhausting, leave me out of it'

lmfao vance is salty because i just called them 'hosty-kun'

swear wordss 

do any other like, soulbonds or fictives or whatever get this sort of... not sure what to call it, i want to say imposter syndrome but it's different. just this uneasy feeling that i "should" be good at or be able to do certain things because the character that i grew out of could do them, but this brain and body don't know how. is that just me or,

I've got three weeks to find a job before I lose my backup plan to foreclosure, and another month past that before I lose my home. I need gas money to get to job interviews. I'm eating the shipping on these bracelets to try and cover that. If you don't wear #jewelry or these aren't your style, please boost. They're anodized aluminum, brass, bronze, and stainless steel, all 7 inches, and all $15 to paypal.me/tarlimanjoppos or cash.app/$tarlimanjoppos #maille #art #mastoart #chainmail

it is kinda annoying, though, how whenever i just Want To Talk i inevitably end up talking only about brain junk. do i just not have anything else to talk about. wtf heck

anyway though, words are dumb and it's all a big overlapping blur and that's fine. like, fuckin, i'm just me??? who cares.

......oh. just found the term soulbond. the word itself kinda rubs me the wrong way, but uh. i guess that might be the most accurate description of me. well that's interesting?

reading about terminology on tulpa.io and we are both feeling pretty validated by seeing "imaginary friend" on there. :blushing:​ sometimes that term feels a little more comfortable than tulpa (especially to vance) but we're generally too embarrassed by the connotations to actually use it, so. it's nice seeing that other people do use it i guess!

cws, subtoot 

Plural Café

Plural Café is a community for plural systems and plural-friendly singlets alike, that hopes to foster a safe place for finding and interacting with other systems in the Mastodon fediverse.