yo what the fuck
i feel like i'm alone in this brain for the first time and it is kind of uhhh fucking terrifying??? or it was for a sec
we were acknowledging that we seem to be staying up late in a slightly self-destructive attitude and then i started getting anxious that it's supposed to be my job or whatever to care about stuff more than vance does and try to make us behave more healthy. and vance attempted to reassure me i think, but realized they couldn't like put their heart into it...... and then their voice just kinda, poofed??? in the way that i usually do. but i don't think it's happened to vance like that before. huh....... weird. they're starting to come around though, i think
one random little thing that's annoyingly difficult: watching shows and stuff.
even if i'm actively trying to watch something, we tend to zone out a little and i just naturally fade out and stop receiving sensory input or whatever.
anyway, thinking how i wish i had more to talk about, and the reasons that i don't.
so we ended up reading some tulpa guides the last couple days (for a variety of reasons including general curiosity and also for tips on improving me and vance's ability to converse, and me developing a stronger sense of identity) and uh. these fuckin suck lmao
also what's with the assumption tulpas are chicks,
fucked up thought: so as a system we've been having "sluggish cognitive function" or something over the last couple years. psych says it's a depression thing, but that might coincide with the time i've been consciously around. is it possible that the mental energy of maintaining me is a cause for that? it's not that i'm feel guilty or anything, just, damn would that be weird or what
do any other like, soulbonds or fictives or whatever get this sort of... not sure what to call it, i want to say imposter syndrome but it's different. just this uneasy feeling that i "should" be good at or be able to do certain things because the character that i grew out of could do them, but this brain and body don't know how. is that just me or,
I've got three weeks to find a job before I lose my backup plan to foreclosure, and another month past that before I lose my home. I need gas money to get to job interviews. I'm eating the shipping on these bracelets to try and cover that. If you don't wear #jewelry or these aren't your style, please boost. They're anodized aluminum, brass, bronze, and stainless steel, all 7 inches, and all $15 to https://paypal.me/tarlimanjoppos or cash.app/$tarlimanjoppos #maille #art #mastoart #chainmail
reading about terminology on tulpa.io and we are both feeling pretty validated by seeing "imaginary friend" on there. :blushing: sometimes that term feels a little more comfortable than tulpa (especially to vance) but we're generally too embarrassed by the connotations to actually use it, so. it's nice seeing that other people do use it i guess!
"people shouldn't have to CW $topic! $topic is nothing to be ashamed of!"
listen to us:
- we don't CW things out of shame.
- we don't ask for things to be CWed because we think you shouldn't post them at all.
- CWs are not the mark of that which should be kept out of sight.
- CWs are used so that people with particular sensitivities to a topic don't have to unfollow or block you if you post it.
- CWs do not narrow your audience; they broaden it.
we've had this discussion so many times.
soo jin. a tulpa or soulbond or smth. headmate of @entropy. i like reptiles and blood (: pronouns are ze/hir or they/them. gurolizard on twitter.
Plural Café is a community for plural systems and plural-friendly singlets alike, that hopes to foster a safe place for finding and interacting with other systems in the Mastodon fediverse.