dwp/money/ableism 

i keep staring at my dwp payment page in case it somehow magically transforms itself into a liveable amount of money, but it keeps being the same 🙃

re: mh/insomnia - 

(it is a very good book with time travel fuckery and a disabled main character, but also has a lot of horrorgore, and for some reason the ending just wrecks me every time)

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mh/insomnia - 

it is 7.15am, i have not slept because my brain is trash, I am awake re-reading The Gone World and crying, this is fine

you've been magically whisked away to YA novel land. pick your house allegiance:

multitober 10/11 "splitting", mention of childhood trauma, medical trauma, loss of headmates, plural gatekeepers 

ok, time to catch up on some prompts i guess

10/11: splitting

Several of us originated by splitting; the whole Lacerta subgroup of our system can all be traced back to people who split from our original singlet self. We think probably the first instance of this was Lumi and Kat splitting apart thanks to trauma as a child, and our brain apparently then just went "oh, this is a good way to deal with bad situations, noted."

So yeah, we have a long history of our brain responding to intense stress by going "oh fuck. new person????" The most recent example of this happening via splitting is probably from June 2017, when Starling basically dissociated so hard during a really traumatic medical procedure that she brought Aspen into existence. It was... kind of a headfuck.

And even when it's not as obvious as "ah, A split into two people and now we have B and C", we can often kind of... trace connections between people? L is closely linked to Kat. Aspen has echoes of an old system member, Viola, who isn't here anymore (and in a way, seeing many of her traits recycled into Aspen was what made us realise she was in all probability Really Gone). Nebula feels closely linked to how Starling was as a system-kid before they grew up. Brain shit is weird, and identity shit gets even weirder when you all have to share a single brain, I guess.

(...I have heard gatekeepers say that acquiring new people from stress or trauma isn't possible past childhood, and all I can say to this is "idk what to tell you, it happened".)

-sleeps for another 9 hours- ok I am now only sorta tired

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-sleeps for twelve hours- I'm so fucking tired

I guess sometimes it's nice to be able to shitpost under your own name, at least?

🌱

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I swear every plural-focused account/blog/whatever we make starts out with us having the best of intentions of actually opening up about plural brain stuff and connecting with people, and then very rapidly devolves into rae and forest shitposting and Not Talking About Stuff

🌱

rambling about blogging stuff, negativity about fedi 

some please create the exact blogging software/site i want please

i keep looking for something that like

  • allows longform posts
  • has the ability to follow people and have a reading list
  • some sense of community
  • not run by giant-ass corporations who let terfs and nazis roam unchecked
  • not an endless fountain of toxic discourse (so tumblr and increasingly fedi are out)
  • ideally has nice features like being able to customise your layout and stuff, use your own domain etc, but that's optional

dreamwidth might be an option. it seems so quiet tho and idk how to find people to follow there anymore, if i don't start out knowing any

micro.blog also has many good features but i don't feel like the community there clicks with me? i feel like i'm sitting at a nice dinner party with a bunch of people who have all known each other for 20 years and I'm just this random fucker who gatecrashed and doesn't know how to use the dessert fork

Plural.cafe appreciation post (no sarcasm) 

Thanks for not sucking, everyone ☺

re: bit of a rant, brief death mention 

  • ...you don't really get to do this one if you've got a young kid, obviously, but if there's nobody depending on you for their basic needs that day, go for it
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bit of a rant, brief death mention 

you know a thing i really fucking hate? that whole genre of post that goes "lol, people who are like [description of some entirely harmless behaviour... you're 30"

like. i am not 30, actually, i'm 41. i'm married with a child, i have buried all four of my grandparents and one parent, i have navigated bad jobs, toxic relationships, bereavement, fertility treatment, filing my own taxes, and moving house while 8 months pregnant. I've got grey hairs and crow's feet.

I am a 100% certified Real Grown-Up and I am hereby giving yall permission to use the damn :3c emoji. watch the damn anime. hug your plushies, get excited over pictures of heckin cute doggos on the internet, write fanfic, hide under a blanket and say "I can't adult today"*, or whatever the fuck you want to do. the notion that we've all got to be Strong and Serious and Capable at all times and only think about work and taxes and childcare the minute we hit 21/25/30/whatever other arbitrary ass age, is toxic and bullshit imo

(... it's also, honestly, kinda immature? actual adulthood is figuring out that 'cringe' is nonsense and doing what makes you happy - provided you're not harming anyone else in doing so - is vastly more important than what others, especially strangers, think about it.)

multitober: names 

6/7: names

A lot of us have changed names repeatedly, or have multiple names they go by. Starling also goes by Jade and Mira, after fictional characters they feel connected to. Rae is Araceli sometimes. Newbie changed his mind about 'Micah' and is now awkwardly failing to pick a replacement.

I've changed my individual name a bunch of times because nothing felt quite right, but io feels pretty good for now. It came out of nowhere really: I saw a book with 'iona' in the title, somehow misread it as iola, and kinda went "oh. That's my name. Yep." I retroactively decided it was short for iolanthe, but that's where it came from.

... the only thing is that i always have to lowercase it so it's not so easily confused with 'Lola'. But it's aesthetic, i guess.

  • io 🌱​

god fucking dammit i meant to say the new spoopy

i think perhaps i should stop trying to type any variant on this word, and go to bed

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re: physical injury, medical 

"oh but that will remove your ability to tell when you're overextending a joint and going to damage it--"

i once subluxed a hip by rolling over in bed so i think that ship has fucking sailed tbqh

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physical injury, needles mentioned 

shoulder yeeted itself out of its socket

really gotta find out whether our current gp does steroid shots because like, give me that shit. inject every joint i have and remove my entire ability to feel pain let's fucking go

☀️​

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Plural Café

Plural Café is a community for plural systems and plural-friendly singlets alike, that hopes to foster a safe place for finding and interacting with other systems in the Mastodon fediverse.