Pinned toot

(Selfies contain: eye contact, vegan sweets, provocative clothing)

E: Ok quengas, I think it’s time for a .
R: Yeah, when we did the other one we didn’t even understand Carmelita’s nature, haha.
C: Oh you knew :chick_devil_cute:​⁠💃⁠🔥⁠​🔱​ you were just in denial.
E: Look, I don’t believe in supernatural things, ok? It’s all just, like, a metaphor or something?
E: It’s not my fault if the daemonic spirit of carnality possessing my body disagrees (u.u )

E: Hi again fediverse! We’re the quengaral system, a bunch of crazy anarchist transfem witches inhabiting a hot Latina milf bod~ 💖
R: We’re the witch of mirrors.

Elilla: I’m Elilla (she)! I’m a binary high-femme diva. I like community, caring for people, pink and sparkly things.
Ramona: Hi I’m Ramona (she/they)! I’m something like a femby. I like fights, non-colonial ways of seeing, and revolution.
Carmen: Hi I’m Carmelita (she) ☆ I’m a travesti pombagira eshu and I like <censored>, <censored> and <censored>why are you censoring me :p
E: Otherwise we’d have to put half a dozen CWs in the introduction
C: Hnf (mock pouting) (actually she’s proud of this)

R: Ok so we’re a mixed, spiritual, amnesiac system rejecting medicalisation. Me and E. have been around in incipient forms, yay trauma, but we came to the front upon gender transition, which we experienced as a break in identity.
E: The first time I came through was crying, I cried so much
R: You still cry so much
E: Proud of it too ^.^

E: Carmelita came later. She just… _descended_, all at once.
C: rose
C: we come from below :chick_giggle:
R: Travestis are a transfeminine culture from Brazil. I don’t think this is fully documented anywhere, but many travestis claim special relationships with the female spirits of pleasure and freedom in umbanda shamanism.
E: You see a lot of "bitch wanted to backstab me but my pombagira is stronger than hers", that kinda thing.
C: Your kind has attracted my kind since forever
C: Tasty treats ♥
E: Didn’t really expected that to happen to me – I was a proud skeptic, remember – but honestly it’s the best thing to have happened in my girly girl life
E: I love her. she’s brought us so much. we _are_ so much, being her
E: Highly recommend being possessed A+ would become legion for we are many
C: you’re well on the way hon ^.~

R: Properly C. is not a purely exogenous personality but something like a plural self manifesting the influence of a spirit guide.
R: Though this is true of all possession. The metaphor umbanda mediums like to use is lattes: the spirit is the coffee and the medium the milk, and what you see is the mix, to various degrees.
C: We’re a 50/50 pingado blend :chick_coffee:
R: Carmen said it’s pretty common for mediums to be plural to being with, what is called "animism" or "mystification" in our tradition.
C: Makes the whole process easier, you know?

R: The three of us are highly verbal and talk mentally all the time. E. and I co-front and switch often, C. fronts too more on special occasions…
C: …for now 🔥
E: I was fronting first and R. was a protector, did emerge to protect us in a few very memorable occasions.
R: I’m out more regularly now.
R: This written sketch format has been highly productive for us too.
C: you still ain’t seen nothing. you’ll ~really~ enjoy the experiences you’re going to get in the near future :)

E: We have a couple less talkative sysmates.
mirrorgirl: Hii 👋
E: (smile) Mirrorgirl is who I used to call "Girl Who Could Never Have Been". She’s our counterfactual self from a chlidhood where we got to be a girl.
R: She’s not simply an inner child but a Promised Child—not a hurt child to protect, but someone who burns down the school then jumps its walls.
m: And don’t look back. I’m a *girl* and I did *not* deserve that, fuck all of them.
R: (wiping tears from the body as we write this) Therefore she’s the Girl Who Can Now Be 😌
R: She shows us drawings from behind the mirror. She’s the only one of us who can use the mind visually, the rest of us can’t conjure images.
m: I'm an artist (=^_^=)

E: Then there’s niichan.
(E. gesture towards the vast, boundless sea.)
R: Big bro is our identity from before transition. He’s dead.
E: We glance him on the mirror from time to time. We used to have a phobia of mirrors, from way back in girlhood, you know? It was scary. We long called him "the doppelgänger".
R: Then with Carmen’s guidance we brought him back via necromancy to have a chat (Carmen has a thing for making us play with our fears). He’s not a terrible guy, turns out. He fought a lot for us to be out.
E: Doesn’t talk or front. Niichan didn’t really liked existing, you know? I think he was in some ways a protector, too, a shell over us. And now he rests beneath the sea.
R: We call him "deadname", or "the draugr".

R: We have codified our mirrormagick as spells here: wordsmith.social/elilla/4-spel
R: All of them work even if you don’t believe in magic
R: Magic believes in you ;)

Pinned toot

umbanda posession, plurality-adj, caps 

R: Opened the pombagira book to review the Dream Vessel spell, randomly saw some bits about possession that we found funny

> Westerners [R: book gringo excludes Brazilians from this category] have learned to fear possession, because in this state we believe we lose control over the social creation we like to call a self. We should not fear possession, if anything it expands our being.

E: yup.

> When she comes down into our body we will first feel a pressure, an intensity that fills us from the centre and then expands out and meets something that erupts from beneath our feet. You will feel compelled to laugh and curse.

E: yup, checks out.
C: told you, "comes up".

> Though in time this violence or crisis will soften, the same sensation of being taken over will be a constant.

R: it feels great, honestly
E: (exxagerated sexy voice) take me Carmencita~ take me <3
C: oh, always <3

> It is here that the genuine possession takes place, which for some can pave the way for a two-headed possession.

R: aka co-fronting.
E: What he's calling "genuine possession" is what umbanda people call "unconscious possession", right? Full amnesia.
R: According to the discussions we've been following these are becoming ever more rare among mediums, for transcendental reasons. Some are questioning whether they even exist.
C: Oh they do.
C: We'll ride you that way on the congá, it will be a learning experience.
C: No don't edit that, there's a reason why I said "we" ;)

> The dynamic depends on which Pombagira is taking shape. Maria Padilha is usually of a gentler kind, while the Crossroad Pombagiras are harsh and critical and those of the Lyre-and-Street often push your limits and boundaries.

E: As if there was ever any doubt about which realm is yours (snarky side look)
C: Literally made you pick the name meaning "song". I’m nothing if not transparent (^.~)-☆

> The Spirit Book can prove to be useful—
C: DO THE DAMN BOOK already (u.u 💢)
E&R: sowwy 👉👈

> …since these spirits tend to be quite talkative when they get going.

R: You don’t say.
C: As if you 2 weren’t matracas with no off button :p

> …you will notice an upsurge of enthusiasm, creativity and inspirations of various kinds.

E: Overwhelmingly so, yes.

> likewise, she inspires song and poetry—so allow this creative impulse to flow into your life.

R: as if we could do anything else ^^;

Pinned toot

religious stuff, sense of purpose, animal sacrifice mention 

experienced friend: oh umbanda is great
friend: the terreiros tend to be so fun, so full of joy, dance, scents, laughs
friend: the people are amazing!!
friend: but sometimes it does get kinda
friend: liturgical
friend: that's why I've been a bit away from it these days, in order to work on my own magic
friend: but if you're leaning that way, look for terreiros that offer mediunic development courses, it's what says on the tin.

R: yeah I get that, I got that vibe too
R: it's funny cos we first approached this very much with religious feelings, not magical
R: had no plans to take up witchcraft again
R: we came with a sense of deep awe for the umbanda entities, wanted to like, pay tribute to them
R: it's not a worshippy kind of religion, is it
R: "if you're lighting up a candle tell me, what do you ~want~"
R: what we get from the entities is all "how the hell would I know how to do that" and "empower yourself solve your own stuff bitch" haha

R: we feel drawn to quimbanda, honestly
R: with one big issue. we won't do blood magic. we're vegans, throughly. at a spiritual level too
R: in this aspect we're on the umbanda side

R: but everything else.
R: the rejection of Christian syncretism, a certain discomfort with the coloniser religion, which may be expressed as downright luciferianism. that's a lifelong
R: a sense of independence and autonomy, of decentralisation, even more than umbanda
R: openness to black magic, we'd totally curse a fascist lol
R: the list of entities worked with: just Ogum, Exú and Pombagira
R: exactly the 3 with which we've had teophanies at various points in our life

R: even the blood stuff. honestly umbanda does it in a way that's not meaningful to us.
R: true, they don't sacrifice animals... but what's the point of not killing chickens in rituals if you eat chickens
R: umbanda treats it as barbaric, but raising chickens in your backyard and killing them personally is the less cruel one. factory farming is the real barbarism
R: honestly the reason they removed the bloodwork wasn't for the animals, it was whitewashing, it was for respectability. it was to bleach the Black roots.
R: we don't want to be respectable. we want vegan quimbanda.

R: but cutting is so integral to most quimbanda circles that I don't know if we'll ever be able to be formally initiated and stuff
R: well, not that there's any quimbanda around in the middle of Germany haha
R: what life put in our path rn is umbanda.

R: Carmen tells us that we should learn everything we can from umbanda first, including full incorporation
R: that this will be the basis to develop our own take on quimbanda later.

R: I want to...
R: we want to
R: we feel called to
R: foreground the queerness, the insurrectionary values we feel to be immanent in these traditions
R: and when we're ready, to provide service. write books and stuff
R: develop something to offer spiritual support to those of us who want or need it, in the ongoing apocalypse.

R.: It's pretty weird to me tho how the gira yesterday came on the way to the first roller derby class, provoked all sorts of fiery feelings and outbursts. We reached the train stop in tears. It was very clearly an Iansã day, against the eerie and beautiful European autumn you could feel the electricity of the storm.

I haven't been very productive at work lately. I have been exceptionally productive at political stuff and love stuff and dunno, thriving. I'm doing a sort of long-term daily work with our preto-velho guide and I thought that would help me control my motivational difficulties for servitude, instead it kinda disengaged me from feelings of guilt towards it. I don't know why I expected anything else tbh.

The thing with C. being a spirit possession is that we don't have access to her the way we have to one another, I can't tell why she does things that she do, comes and goes the way she does. What does everything yesterday was there for I can't tell, other than a feeling that we've reached a landmark in some way.

E: I recorded a silly video clip yesterday and I turn our back to the camera in it, with the angle around shoulders, which gives us an angle we don't normally see. it makes us look quite big and wide-chested, like the barbarian in an rpg team.

R. was positively giggly about this 😌 I think to an extent R. as an identity, starting by the name, coalesced as a way to give form to these positive feelings about some traits that are masculine-coded but, like, super hot in women. deep voice, broad back, muscles, bigness. it's a dangerous line to skirt between feeling like a hot sword lesbian and feeling like a guy. but we love danger.

gender feelings are very complicated and floating but at the end of the day we're a pretty masked warrior of love _and_ justice.

E: whoa wait so we're a libra with an aries moon, and our birthday is this week, and the full moon is today and it's in aries?
E: no wonder your antifa impulses are burning so hot R.

R:

"I have a friend from Brasilien".

Things in German I can't follow.

"My friend, he can [German German something] Geister." Spirits.

"Every day he talks things to the spirits."

I, a Brazilian who every day talks things to spirits, smile. I bet your friend lights up a lot of candles, doesn't he?

Doing umbanda means among other things that in situations like this, something in me knew from the start that this comrade would carry something relevant to us (C: something in you has a name :p). It comes at the very last few minutes with the forest guardians, and the feeling is less surprise and more like yup, checks out.

"Oh, you can speak German?", a passing antifa girl notes. "Ein bisschen", I reflexively reply. "Yeah so this friend, don't mind him, he's a bit... disturbed". "I know", I say, "I like talking". "Oh how nice of you! I think it's good for him."

I'm not doing charity, though, I love talking as a general statement, and people like this friend are no less interesting to talk than anybody else. It's perfectly understandable that he's disturbed. It's a disturbing world. But it has good ppl in it.

(scroll photo caption for explanation.)

Show thread

R: one thing right-wing people used to say a lot back home was, "if you like socialism so much why don't you invite the homeless into your house then". I bet they feel real clever at this thoughtful criticism too.

I knew forest sit-ins tend to be open and welcoming, but one thing I really enjoyed from these comrades is that they got around a spirit-talker. You know, what the medical model would call "schizophrenia" or "crazy homeless people who talk to 'no one' nonstop". This guy would just come along and sit around the table talking his thing. Some people who talk like this have their own sense of coherence, but this friend talked things I could follow, as far as my German allowed. You could engage in and out his endless conversation, and he'd have communal food and cigarettes along with everybody else, eventually leave, return the next day.

This is prefiguration, yo. This is what so-called crazy people will be treated in the time of the dawn. This is how you invite homeless people into your house, along with everybody else. When the concept of houses isn't about a thing meant just for us. When "for us" is nothing.

I was almost leaving when friend said he wanted some tea, and I explained our friends were still making the fire and we had to wait a bit but soon we could boil water for a nice warm tea. It's the first time that he notices my German isn't quite fluent (it's very not fluent). He asks where I'm from, I say Brazil, he opens his eyes a bit. "Unglaublich", he says, in the same low intonation as always. "No way." (continued)

E: I identify as a girl so I'm going to put a lot of effort research and drugs into making this body be a girly body.

E: I identify as a domme so I'm going to drill into this body the skills needed to domme properly.

E: I identify as a good girl. I'm going to _make_ myself be kind and understanding and supportive to my community.

R: I identify as antifa

quote from gf 

> roller derby was invented by the plurals to sell more aggressive headmates

E: dunno there's just so much signs pointing to Köln lately. I know I shouldn't trust superstition so much, but I get that very specific feeling that we can just ride it and something will pop up, somehow it will turn out ok…

R: Recently I've started not just taking front but identifying to organisations and new people with my name. But this creates some dissonance because Eli is so extroverted and sociable that she usually swings front when we need to do introductions and break the ice (and I still find it amazing to watch, the finesse she has in that (E: 💁‍♀️)). And then using my name feels like lying, even if we agreed this is a group where I would be fronting most of the time.

Also I guess there's defensive dysphoria involved, she's the binary fem, it feels safer to assert ourselves as a passable woman before I metaphorically stomp my foot forward. But we switch so fast and fluidly that in these more "ramona" types of context I'll usually be taking over from her very quickly anyway, so it doesn't feel that wrong to use what is not the correct name at the very moment of introduction.

E: Perhaps we could introduce ourselves with both names? Like "Hi I'm Elilla Ramona", and then if it's a context that's you-centric, you can just say "oh you can call me Ramona" after you're in front.

- killing time on insta
- browse suggestions cos ours is full of lewd yuri art
- umbanda girl posted a message from Oyá
- cute religious photo, caption in Portuguese: "but what if I fall?" Oyá: "oh daughter. what if you fly?"
- like it to ack, forget abt it
- work
- go to fresh new pol org
- get added to chat group
- trying to identify which profile is whose of the irl folk
- middle-eastern girl has as profile description, in English:

"but what if I fall?" "oh daughter. what if you fly? 🦋"

E: that moment when you think "I should write something to kid" then you open the chat app you only use for kid at the exact same minute they wrote you (+the minute is 01:01)

E: Let's give one another a birthday present! Something that's not just buying a thing. R. I know what you want—
R: Yeah let's go back to punching people already. Today's a great day to write emails! C.?
C: The gypsy cards. Also write the terreiro and ask about going.
R: that's two things
C: arrest me :p
E: L.?
L: To write again. Poetry. Fiction.
E: Writing? Really?
L: Yup. That new hut space on gemini, that was cool I wish we did that.

R: …little sister, do you want a gift?
ls: The things I want you're too scared to do.
ls: Like disinvest from that uni? Get that data over with, it's easier than you think.
R: that's not even a gift for you, you're just using this excuse to make us think of it.
ls: arrest me :p
E: ...
E: ...dead bro, do you want something?
D: to scream

re: astrology 

E: does that make C. the Taurus rising?
R: I mean that would explain why you two seem so close
R: and she always insist she comes "up" not down, so she's literally rising
R: and even has horns
R: seems legit

(go look at the foremost source of information on the ancient science of astrology, /r/astrologymemes)
(filter by Taurus)

E: yup, she's the Taurus rising

Show thread

astrology 

E: how does astrology work if you're plural anyway? do you get the datetime that the identity came forth?
R: dunno E. you look like a textbook libra to me
E: you don't feel anything like a libra tho
E: ….the Aries moon? :o
R: I mean I have been doing all the moon-themed stuff
R: and you _have_ been being the solarpunk summer girl suntan sun-craving sunny one
E: that feels too simple and made-up
R: totally but so is everything

plurality, gender, sexually charged eye contact selfies 

R: our first reference for transfemininity were Brazilian travestis yes, but also transformista artists. These were performers who danced and lip-synced their way through a dramatic change in binary gender presentation.

I distinctly recall the half-half outfits, looking like a different person on each side of the face. Child us admired the power in being able to control gender like that. And freshly hatched binary girl elilla sometimes felt these impulses to maybe take control of gender in a direction that wasn't 100% high femme all the time, that desire for multiplicity. But no matter how bravely and openly we considered the question, the conclusion was always the same: I am not genderfluid, I am not bigender, I am all woman. She tried big bro's clothes a few times and was quickly reminded of what dyspho used to feel like. It didn't make sense for her to do half-half male-female asymmetry when there's no male left in us.

Butch/fem asymmetry is another matter altogether :>

@goodvibes

E: We did a poll once. A small but marked percentage of people don't think in words, except when planning a conversation or the like. Most poeple have what they describe as a running monologue. Among these, about a third use mostly singular first-person ("I should get out of the bed"), about a third often structures thoughts in me/you form but don't feel they're multiple people ("you should get out of the bed"), and about a third thinks in both "you" and "we" but still don't think of themselves as multiple people, they see this as just a linguistic structure ("we should get out of the bed" "you said rest is political resistance and now wants to push yourself?", etc.)

People who felt like their mental dialogues were between different selves were something like 15% of my poll, it was on masto so there's more folks familiar with the concept of plurality than in normie society.

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Plural Café

Plural Café is a community for plural systems and plural-friendly singlets alike, that hopes to foster a safe place for finding and interacting with other systems in the Mastodon fediverse.