...whats with partners often being the more likely ones to react badly to plural folks coming out? i had this happen too.

@kaminohana good question! I wonder if it's because partners often think they should be the closest person to you (general you), and like secrets are a slight against them. whereas with friends you more readily accept that there are things you don't know about them, that you'll find out new things over time.

A partner also might get freaked out thinking they've been sometimes sitting next to or interacting with a stranger without knowing it.

doesn't excuse the bad reactions at all, just musing on what's different.

@thepride @kaminohana can confirm both of those points because they lead to me reacting very shitty when the partner system came out. For me, additionally there was denial about being part of a system myself and accepting my partner was part of a system meant I had to accept plurality exists in the first place... *sigh* :/
(I'm reeeeally not proud of reacting like that, but at least I got better now x))


@nightsky_system @thepride This does explain a few things- thanks all of you!

See I was thinking it had to do with the unhealthy possessive nature of relationships, but its more of being unprepared for something in a bond where you thought you understood someone and that bond was proof of it, so its like something new is testing that bond, is that right? all the more so if its for something the partner doesnt understand

@thepride @kaminohana basically yeah those are the two main points our partner brought up before she just kinda went into denial

@kaminohana well, it wasn't our partner who reacted poorly, because they helped us through finding ourselves in the first place, but our ex (who we were still pretty close with)

& some of the things he said were basically like... that he'd had a pretty good image of the person he dated in his head and had a hard time reconciling that with us turning out to be plural

Emotional abuse 

@kaminohana same account but different person popping back on this to mention one of Rai's exes reacted poorly because he was an abusive ass who had already isolated them from all their friends, and the plurality was something he couldn't control. Especially since some/most of us then were boys, so we were also a threat.

So while there are lots of more mellow, understandable reasons to react poorly, keep an eye out for just straight up abusive garbage too.

I was also a controlling ass though and made Rai break up with their first real partner because I didn't like him. So it goes both ways I guess.


Emotional abuse 

@thepride Thanks for warning me about that though! Next rejection I get, I'll look out for the warning signs too. I'm sorry you had to go through that!

Sign in to participate in the conversation
Plural Café

Plural Café is a community for plural systems and plural-friendly singlets alike, that hopes to foster a safe place for finding and interacting with other systems in the Mastodon fediverse.