Foxes System @foxes@plural.cafe

Reason 151 I hate trauma:

I can't not feel like have to apologize for everything and that I'm always in the wrong and I just want to make up with my friend and they say they've forgiven me but my brain is just unable to accept that right now and idk what to do

So last night I had a manic episode
Usually this doesn't bother me because it's usually just because of sleep deprivation

But this one wasn't. This once was just a completely awake no reason to happen manic episode
And that scares me

Mania is a big trigger for me and the fact that it just happened outside of what it usually does for me is terrifying. I can't stop thinking about an old friend who had frequent manic episodes, and would send me sh pics on impulse.

A friend tried to call the cops because they were worried we were going to hurt ourselves, but they didn't know my address. I probably should have told them but I want to make it until tomorrow, that's when my psych appointment is.

I'm sure I can make it until then

Just one more day, just tomorrow, then I can ask how to go about getting meds, then a few days after that maybe I'll have them and can actually be okay

Not even 3 hours of sleep before waking up from a nightmare tonight

And Lizzie (a newly formed alter, not only in the dream but also a real alter, doesn't know we are a system) fronted in the hospital after I got admitted

So the hospital got suspicious and eventually we were taken to this big skyscraper that 3 floors of were a resedental

And we basically lost the ability to have any control at all (we currently have very little but it's enough that we can get through the day) over switching and would switch very often

So we basically got stuck there for life because we had no family and were deemed unable to live by ourselves

But an investigative reporter visited to learn more about the whole story with my mum and brother, and we became friends and agree visited lots

But I really hated that nightmare and I can still feel pain where I was shot in it

I had a horrible nightmare last night

It started out with my mum, brother, and us doing something illegal and escaping the police

But then I had to come back here for some reason

And the police found me

And my mum told my to try and run but if I get shot to make sure it is fatal

I ran and got shot in the lower back, it was really painful and I almost passed out
And then my mum came up and shot me in the back around where my heart is

But I still didn't die and instead ended up in hospital

Part 1/2

Honestly, sometimes reading back on what other alters have said is terrifying. We have this new alter who doesn't know she's part of a system yet, and two of our friend were trying to explain it to her, and right as she was just getting to the acceptance stage it was like she reset and forgot everything she had been taught by them, she even said it was nice meeting them even though she's known then for about a week now.

It just terrifies me that our brain can do something like that, just hide all her memories so that she doesn't think she's part of a system