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Hi im 7 or maybe 6 and rose wants me to put some sort of warning here for anyone scrolling past that i have some posts that i didnt put a warning on! They are lower down and some of them mention things like food and meds for adhd and im going to after this post try to put a little cw on my posts! I think its hard to do myself but just a little one so you all know its me posting because i dont have much filter and there could be anything! So ill just write 7yo for them so you know its me, because im 7 and no one else is, liam is about 10 except maybe he does ageslide but he doesnt talk anyway, but maybe ill pick a name and change to that, i was thinking clarissa but actually i dont think thats me, that might be someone else rose doesnt no about yet.

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Tasherit's introduction 

Hi, I'm Tash! I'm part of the Certified system. I don't think I'll be around very much, but I do exist!

Things I like include cheetahs and birds. I or we - there may be two of us, we're not sure - live up the front left of the brain. I can shapeshift between cheetah and human. Don't assume human is the default, and don't assume it's not.

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re: Damien's introduction 

alright i'll do a proper thing

hi

I'm Damien

I am the walk-in, by accident. No 'before' memories.

uh

he/him, they is okay

I am human. So is sophie, I think she forgot to say that.

I like reptiles, especially crocodiles.

I like music, especially of the rock and metal sort.

I think I'm intersex, definitely aro. I might get lewd sometimes. Potentially often.

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Sophie's introduction 


Hi i'm Sophie

I am interested in making dolls clothing but I haven't really had much chance to do anything with that

she/her pronouns please

other people in the system will probably introduce themselves later. Rose is usually the one fronting and has its own account @certifiedperson

We kind of opted for this because um, a buncha reasons I guess. We don't really know what sort of stuff we will end up posting but some of the others might get lewd on here.

We have a lot of people in our system. We're endogenic and non-dissociative with one known walk-in, and some of us are human and some of us are not. Rose figured out we were here in April 2020, so this is all pretty new. It also isn't very good at giving up the front or control, but it is trying. We also have inattentive ADHD; some of us have some other brainweirds going on.

re: pers, pluralstuff 

despite no study and fuckall work at the moment

we actually feel surprisingly busy

and yeah, half of that is stuff we've delayed while studying, most of it isn't suuper strictly necessary but i would much prefer to do it (over a period of 3 months (sept-nov) stuff like budgetstuff, paperwork, deep-cleaning home, sorting tech-related stuff, embroiderying a couple christmas gifts, a few other one-off appointments.)

but yeah, i guess that plus usual maintenance plus often a bit unmotivated plus, now, systemstuff to deal with

yeah actually i am kinda busy, huh.

(too bad two-thirds of all that does not make great conversation and one-third is pretty private.)

(hopefully we can get more of this stuff sorted sooner than later; we'll probably work much more as the weather warms up, and December expects to be highly social.)

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pers, pluralstuff 

[Rose]
We tried to do stuff one way.
It didn't work in the long run.
We made changes in how we did stuff.
Didn't work in the long run.
We made more changes.

They were. Well they kinda worked, for a while. I was no longer responsible for managing innerworld stuff, 'cause i was struggling to do that on top of external world stuff. It resulted in not so much communication & switching, 'cause people spent most of their time in there.

Anyway, turns out that's not working out right now either - there's a heap of new people in innerworld i haven't met and the group who were managing things are stressed and overwhelmed and, lets be real, i have not been super happy with either my ability to manage external stuff, nor the lack of internal interaction / cohesion.

So we had a meeting yesterday that was supposed to briefly preceed my/our usual monthly reflections and goal-setting stuff.

It took longer than that, we agreed on a second meet today (done this morning), and then i did usual monthly stuff.

It's. gonna be a process to get things sorted, but idk, this feels more co-operative (?) than the previous change attempts. A bit more like we (the working group) are on the same shared page in a way it didn't feel like before.

I don't expect we'll go through this stuff and then have everything be peachy-perfect, hell no. we're still gonna have to keep adjusting shit and practising things and all that throughout forever.

But it does feel like progress, and it feels good. Stressful, mind, because i'm worried I'm gonna fuck up and slack off like i often do; stressful 'cause others are stressed, stressful 'cause the uncertainty of how things are going to go.

But i'm optimistic.

distractions re: --, gender dysphoria, dissociation 

we had a convo the other day about basically distracting oneself from bad thoughts

but that doesn't work for us because a) we know we're tryna distract ourselves and so that ends up on our brain, and b) that extra [sensory/emotional/cognitive] processing really does prevent us *starting* things in the first place

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--, gender dysphoria, dissociation 

also one aspect of our gender body dysphoria has been way worse than normal and we can't do anything about it 'cause it's less about what the body looks like from the outside and more about the tactile feel

.... our recent increase in dissociation may be related and also we can't tell if brain is exaggerating the feel of the part because we're dissociating or if we're a bit dissociating because brain is exaggerating the feel of it

but it's taking part of our attention/processing the way a bright light on the edge of our vision does. but we can't do anything about it.

...yeah i think the dysphoria is coming first and dissociation second

plurality internet musings 

We ended up thinking abt plurality stuff online

masto is really good in terms of just. chill acceptance

but there doesn't seem to be as much in the way of problem-solving and insightful stuff here? (or maybe we're just not seeing it lol)

tumblr we think has a bit more about that type of thing, BUT also it's horrific in terms of, there are plenty of cool and good folk but there's also a solid chunk who are.... lets just say shitty, and so there's a lot of harassment and general bullshit, particularly aimed at folk who are cool with those who are either non-disordered or didn't have their system formed through trauma

and on the way home we were rly thinking about logging into tumblr again and making a sideblog specifically for just... recording and sharing experiences and insights and perspectives and stuff, idk. It's got a tagging system, which is neat to have.

but we'd probably have to be pretty strict on the "wont put up with crap" thing

but then idk if we'd actually stick with it in any way or if it's more of a passing impulse, also, it takes time and effort and we got other shit to do?

re: sorta silly, food, meat 

the only other put-straight-in-the-oven thing we really have is crumbed fish

but that's not a vegetable

and we already have red meat planned and half-defrosted

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sorta silly, food 

hm, what other veges can we put on the oven tray with the carrots?
veges we have:
-
-
-
-

oh wait, actually we do have veges:
- frozen peas
- frozen corn
- frozen spinach
- frozen onion slices

hm, not sure those are oven-suited veges.

??? boosted

urgent moneyrequest, credit card bill, we have 10 days left. :boost_requested: 

10 days left.

We have $140/$420.

Can anyone help keep us afloat? >,,<

liberapay.com/forestbeasts
paypal.me/mirrorwolf

#MutualAid #DisabilityCrowdfund

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update...? on chores re: plural, vent, 

got talked into having our short-acting meds (ended up skipping concerta today) and that made us feel less shitty?

If we end up feeling supremely shitty next time we have a day off then we may uh need to take longer than a day off

we never managed grocery shop nor laundry, but we have them packed / planned and ready to go

it's after 6pm AND we have 8am class tomorrow, so we think we will hold off and bring this stuff with us tomorrow so we can do them on the way home

friend also wants to study together so maybe we can organise that for tomorrow? class - study sesh - laundry & walkies - groceries?

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3 days left!

survey.gendercensus.com

It's for anyone whose gender (or lack thereof) isn't described by the M/F binary. It's short and easy, and results are useful in academia, business and self-advocacy.

re: plural, vent, 

honestly this feels like deja vu

(is it me or does this just tend to happen on laundry day)

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plural, vent, 2k 

basically
- didnt wanna be here today

- decided to try get someone in front which ended up being damien who agreed to but didn't particularly want to

- he wanted to have someone else join him in front but we default so hard to me that i stuck around, or half stuck around or smth and pulled his attention away a bit and his company didnt like it and fucked off

- someone else popped up for 5min who wanted to front, started doing our stuff happily, then went "nup, im bored" and there was a bit of argument between them and me over how necessary this part of the task was while we autopiloted on the task (which may have been someone else carrying on?) then the argued-with person left

- then uhh idk, i think i (or i and autopilot?) finished getting laundry shit ready

- but holy hell do i not want to do this or be here riiight up until the moment i try and get someone else up front, then i want to. or. i want to want to be here. i want to want to be able to do stuff, i want to be able to prove i CAN and the moment i am gone, it removes the possibility of any of that.

- but also I'm sure I'd be far more capable if i wasn't doing Everything All The Time

- but i dont know how not to because no one else wants to front
and no one else wants to front in big part BECAUSE this shit keeps happening, or all they can do is chores because i'm never doing anything

- its this stupid circular bullshit and we have no idea how to break out of it and it's so *frustrating*

- it's Really important we do laundry and go to the shops today but hoo boy do i not have the mood for either, and shops = go in dirtspace and that's So much extra effort and we also got fuckall chores done yesterday and we'd like to do today and we KNOW none of it's gonna get done

just. i do not wanna be here but no one else wants to be here and i front so much we default to me, and we have important shit to do and just.

im so frustrated and unhappy with the state of things right now. again.

i dont know what to do we've tried so many things and it's just Not fuckin working and i cant do this fronting shit alone but APPARENTLY i also cant do it with other people

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plural, vent 

ugh came here to vent, got distracted on a short scroll, don't feel like venting now but still wanna because shit hasn't been processed it just got put to the side and we have to try pick it up again if we dont wanna ignore it

??? boosted

Take note of when media very frequently uses certain words together, like 'gay' and 'promiscuity' or 'AIDS' or 'monkeypox', or 'Islam' and 'terrorism' or 'extremism'. This leads to what Sara Ahmed refers to as “words becoming sticky”, whereupon you only need to say one of the words to get the other meaning to appear in the population's minds. The media is well aware of this phenomenon, and that is PRECISELY WHY they do it.

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Lmao we opted not to play games tonight and preferred to go to bed earlier

We decided this idk, 7 or 8pm? Could've been in bed by 9pm, definitely by 10.

Accidentally ended up on phone

Somehow ended up.. uh, where did we go? Reddit, right.

Back on here.

It's 11pm.

??? boosted

re: moneyrequest, survival, urgent :boost_requested: 

$68/$160 now! :blobcatheart:

that pops us over the "last month's bill" threshold, I think.

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pol 

paying $85 to fill up my gas tank and thinking about how socializing has a financial barrier

??? boosted

re: pol 

transportation and internet/phone services cost not only money to use, but also (with the exception of public transport,) A Lot Of Money to purchase the devices through which they may be used. unless you live within walking distance of friends, and one or both of you have a living situation where you can have people over, there is a monetary toll to maintain relationships and that seems so weird and bad?? idk

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re: pol 

even in the case of having people over, you have to be able to afford housing? public spaces that are free to use become more and more rare, *especially* in impoverished areas, and have varying levels of accessibility. idk. i just think it's an often overlooked consequence of capitalism and how it isolates ppl

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Plural Café

Plural Café is a community for plural systems and plural-friendly singlets alike, that hopes to foster a safe place for finding and interacting with other systems in the Mastodon fediverse.