Beach House @beach_haus@plural.cafe

Nothing much to say about it now ... I'm still curious what was going on, but I guess I'll have to wait another day to find out more

The entrance / exit I had used to get into this red void seemed to be gone / inaccessible, so I had to reset / get pulled back by Knives / ?? back outside; everything was still frozen over. I don't remember much that happened other than Knives carried/dragged me back to the beach house and inside it, and after relaxing there for a bit everything went back to normal

The monolith is an empty blackness right now, but it does the white ripple ping if I touch it.

After looking around, I noticed there was something in the bottom 4 corners of the room. I went down to check on them more, and they seemed to be humanoid (?); possibly vaguely resembling my form, but without a face at first -- one appeared after trying to focus for a while. After interacting with one, the other three seemed to 'wake up' too, and were watching me (?) as well; their eyes were all I could see without the black light, as they were white on the red void

Inside was a huge room that was just as vividly red. It was cubic, with the "entrance" I had come through near the ceiling

I used a "darklight" -- a flashlight that erases light, in a way -- and the walls seemed to have lined patterns on them, in 90 degree angles. The patterns changed and didn't seem to resemble anything obvious or meaningful ... (the attached image is an approximation)

Specifically, it became a solid, vivid red; while I had sometimes been able to "reach through" it in its reflective state, it also felt solid. The backside of it was still black, as were the sides.

Knives was with me there and could not tell me anything about it, she was unsure as I was ... I suggested 'projecting' into it (splitting into an astral copy?) and entering it, which I did, leaving the "main" self outside of it with Knives

At first it did nothing; later someone suggested hitting it, which when I threw a rock at it, made it "ping" and emit a white ripple across its surface

Later on, a reflection of myself was in there (but not always a mirror-like representation; it was independent but usually sleeping or otherwise not moving)

The state of the monolith changed during the experiment I did earlier ...

There is a monument (?) of sorts a ways north of the beach house ... A good distance behind it (to the west) is a field of broken black obelisks; each one of those I believe to represent a project or some other thing that didn't work out. (There is one intact one that I think belongs to TCRF, though)

The monument itself is black and has a semi-rough texture to it, like a paved road but a little smoother. It has changed in some ways since first discovered

To test it this morning, I just announced it loudly; shouted it in my head.

The oceans froze, as expected. It was not like solid ice; touching it made it break, as if it was a thin layer or perhaps like slush.

The rain seemed to be frozen in place too; small icy pellets floating in the air. They seemed to disintegrate when touched.

However, there was a larger, more drastic change elsewhere.

This morning I tried to focus on headspace a little more, specifically to try to experiment with an effect I had seen before; getting called "cute" made the ocean on the beach freeze long ago during a hypnosis exploration session, but the person I was talking to aborted it right afterwards (even though I felt fine and was curious about it...)

I'm writing this a good 12 hours afterwards, so it's not as fresh in my mind. Stay tuned for more...

mostly imagine that but interspersed with "sys/error" and the last word there repeating when i try to think about it

glitches are my head's aesthetic but why always in this

me: i'll try reading this tg fiction thing i've had open for like a month. this surely cannot go poorly, just like the other 4 times i've tried other ones

my brain, 10 minutes later: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWkgkCgg08o#t=1m40s

disassociating is cool and bad

sys/err

i feel like my brain is just.

i don't know everything feels like garbage data now. if i try to focus on anything it's like a dirty nes. everything is flickery and corrupt.

i feel awful.

I tried that on myself this morning and the result was that instead a torrent of black goop came out, curved around into an enormous mouth-like shape, and swallowed me whole.

Good sign.

My usual way of helping with stress for other people is to get them to visualize themselves floating atop water, usually a nice spring or something; then massaging the stress and tension out of them, which is generally defined as 'black gunk' that just oozes out and drains to the bottom, leaving them more or less refreshed for a while ...

Tonight's mood is similar to before, but less sitting and more laying face down with my head over my arms, head towards the west; the rain and wind are a lot stronger and colder, and the towel I'm laying on is already soaked.

(I don't know why I'm out here instead of inside.)

Tonight's mood is just sitting on the beach staring out towards the moon, relaxing and just ... being in the gentle rain and the slow breeze

There's nothing else to do for now other than just relax here.

doing better now. a little. not much.

sorry for last night.

it's. it's tough. it's really tough.

the bad days are coming more and more frequently and they're getting worse.

i wish i could escape.

I feel better after waking up. It's ... not much, but it's better. I need more sleep, I think; I've been low-key sleep deprived for quite some time because I consistently get under 7 hours, and quite often even less (today was 5:30)