a rose thread, on trauma reactions and responses, approx. 3,200 char,
* assuming good faith in all parties here, not at all touching situations where 'the person' mentioned is being clearly, actively nasty.
*this isn't a subtoot, just a culmination of things I've encountered + seen talked about, some of them today.
trauma being triggered makes emotions happen, and they're the sorts of emotions that start shutting down your thinking in an attempt to focus on survival.
the great thing about text-based communication is if something's brushed against your trauma and causing a reaction, you are under almost zero pressure to respond, let alone respond quickly. You can take your time to manage your reaction and make sure you're understanding their intention well, before you respond (if you still choose to).
If you just immediately respond, you'll likely come off as more aggressive than you intended, or accidentally respond to something that wasn't actually said, because trauma makes it suuper easy to assume bad-faith and worse intentions of the other person. (This is your brain attempting to prioritise survival.). This is upsetting and frustrating for the other person, and if they respond immediately, most likely it will be in a way that upsets you further.
It's also really easy when mildly triggered to start replying to someone, and then because you're upset, you keep going, and in a couple of toots you're not only responding to strawmen and not what the person actually said, but you've managed to upset yourself /lots/ more than you were by all this stuff you've (unintentionally) made up about the other person.
If it's a trauma reaction, then you had that reaction not so much because of what the person said, but because of your /history/ with that topic / tone / etc. Within the whole context of you, that emotional reaction is valid. The way you /react/ to that emotion might not be. The way you /behave/ is entirely your responsibility.
Again, this is the internet. This is slow, text-based communication. You are under no pressure or obligation to respond immediately, or ever, for that matter. It is your responsibility to notice when something has kicked up a trauma reaction, and it is your responsibility to manage how you respond. Because with trauma, it's /so easy/ for a little response to be mishandled and turn into a big response.
Pay attention to yourself, pay attention to how you feel, WHY you feel that - not to defend or justify it, just note what factors lead to it - see if you can figure out what was /actually/ said compared to what you first thought was said. If it was, and you opt to write a response? Double check what you wrote, and double-check it corresponds to what the person actually said, /before/ posting it.
You don't /have/ to respond, but if you choose to? It will benefit the other person AND yourself if you take your time, if you take a little extra care.
And you can bow out mid-conversation, if you need to. [insert Sharezone graphic here: "If it sucks, hit da bricks - real winners quit!"]
It's the internet.
You can slow down, here.
It's okay to take your time.
Welcome to the Fediverse if you're new, I'm the research fairy
If you're a white supremacist, misogynist, TERF, or if you're here to spread anti-queer hate of any kind, fuck off forever
If you have unconscious biases (you do), learn to say "I'm sorry," mean it, and do better
And if you are in a position of power or privilege, please use that to make a safe space for someone
🌲 Willow - 19 - she/her - current host
💧 Em - 16 - she/her - ex-host, deals with depression/anxiety
💮 Evelyn - 4-15 - she/her - original host
🥀 Ebony - 15 - she/they - "yucky" holder
💥 Roxxie - 16 - she/her - deals with anger
📘 Hope - 19 - she/her - academic
💙 Carmen - 19 - she/her - self-care helper, positive unreality
❣️ Morpheus (Morph) - 18 - xe/xir- social protector
Red - 29 - he/him - physical protector
Nayemar - 27 - she/her - persecutor
🍜 Shadow - 14 - she/her - cooking trauma holder
🌈 Selina - 13/14 - she/her - sexual trauma holder
🖤 Null - 15 - they/them - trauma controller
👻 Cyra - 15 - she/her - primary trauma holder
🦄 Dreemurr - 15 - she/they - daydream controller and fiction enthusiast
✂️ Malice - 17 - he/him - violent/impulsive thought's holder
🌀 Scatterbrain - very dissociated and confused, but vibing with it
🕊️ Evangeline - 40's - she/her - protective mother figure
🧚♀️ Sapphire - 40's- she/her - caring mother figure
🧜♀️ Aurora - adult - she/her - swimming
🌕 Big - ~2,000 - he/she/they (fluid) - feeling "big"
Clara - ? - she/her - ?
👓 Alice - 24 - she/her - boundary enforcer
🗡️ Morgana - 24 - she/her - betrayal trauma holder
🎙️ Jon - 26 - he/him - collects information in our system
🖋️ Martin - ? - he/him - stores information in our system
📚 Hermione - 11-20's - she/her - enthusiastic about learning
✨ Wanda - 16 -
Also I don't think Tellie was ever using she/her pronouns, I don't know why that's there, maybe the person/people who were writing that didn't know anything about him? And Hermione's role is apparently advice, which I guess I understand? Maybe she was just giving us a lot of advice about our school work instead of doing it like she would usually, but wow
Adaptive system with amnesia (undiagnosed) of around 50 plus a lot of fragments. Collectively most of us use she/her but they/them is also okay. Body is 19
Plural Café is a community for plural systems and plural-friendly singlets alike, that hopes to foster a safe place for finding and interacting with other systems in the Mastodon fediverse.