me: "OK google, you're a goose"

google home: "do you know who's doing a good job? you!"

watching anime on my own is measured in seasons per day

watching anime with my bf is measured in episodes per month

games that embrace loot boxes 

me: drives a car 2 miles

Apex Legends: "congratulations! you have just unlocked a new tracker so now you can see how far you've driven in your *rolls a dice, spins a wheel, consults RNGesus* M1A2 Abrams!"

me: "but i don't even have the ability to get near one, let alone drive one. also when can i see how far I've driven my car?"

Apex Legends: *rolls dice* "dunno but it's not now, dice says so"

insomnia 

it's 4 in the morning and i want to sleep but my body wants to run around and my brain wants to do everything except sleep

@Azura i usually cower in fear in the corner, have you tried that?

@BestGirlGrace a week back Trans Rights joined my fc and yesterday we hung out with Vegan Anarchism

ADHD in a nutshell 

me: "i need to do the thing"
brain: "i'm so fucki'mg,,, BORED"
me: "brain please i'm hungry"
brain: "FEED ME ENTERTAINMENT"

The only nation I identify with is procrastination

@Waces time to get out the ol eyepatch and cutlass it seems 🏴‍☠️

This is your casual reminder that "mad cow disease" was a disease caused by capitalist greed.

@cdmnky it's raining buns!
hallelujah it's raining buns! aaaaaaaaa buns!

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Plural Café

Plural Café is a community for plural systems and plural-friendly singlets alike, that hopes to foster a safe place for finding and interacting with other systems in the Mastodon fediverse.