🌍 hello! we're eli & ezra, a 26-year-old median system. while we don't hide our plurality on our main social media accounts, we have too much internalized shame to talk about it there in detail; so we decided to join this instance to have a more secluded space to rant and rave about our shared brain.
eli is an alterhuman lesbian who uses they/them pronouns. they're fascinated by spirituality, evolution, animals, and weird internet subcultures. they're the
host, and they'll denote their presence with the 🌿 emoji.
ezra is an aroace lemur who uses they/them or he/him pronouns. he likes cartoons, comics, toys, and basking in nostalgia! he'll denote his presence with the 💫 emoji.
when we're blended (which is somewhat often tbh) we'll either use no emoji or the 🌍 emoji to sign our posts.
Racism, whiteness, being white
I know how some of this is going to make me look. Our body's white and I'm not perfect so I know I've got shit to work on and I'm probably always going to. This is part of that.
I frequently hear from POC people about horrifying shit but nothing I hear about can disgust me more than when I hear another white person say something racist to me and then be like "right?" This only ever happens with people who don't really know us, which makes it even worse. Because how many other random white people have simply agreed with their horse shit?
And this always means I'm going to have a confrontation. Because we won't be nice about letting this fuckwad down. It's most important that we throw down right there and stop that shit outright. I might not change any minds, but this is what POC mean about us policing ourselves. It's not about performative gestures or hating yourself. It's about telling your racist father, neighbor, coworker, w/e to fuck off
I got us today off to avoid a massive meltdown and I've declared it Self-Care Monday. The rules are as follows:
We can only run one errand today
All day is Enby Time
We must play video games
We may clean the apartment only insofar as we're enjoying it
Jack or Jess are taking a shower. I don't have to.
Two more outings done, two to go. 👍
And it went very well. Both of Lilly's friends were very considerate, non-judgemental and curious about us being a system and I joined one of them on their way home because I wanted to go for a walk anyway. Not sure if she notices that I fronted most of the evening, but for the way home, she knew and we had a pretty interesting conversation.
I definitely understand why Lilly picked these folks as her friends. We're lucky to know them, they are awesome.
slowly accepting being autistic
me: "oh, i should ask my followers if they think i'm autistic or allistic, it would be neat to see how i come across and i don't really know the answer myself"
me: looks up autistic communication and finds somebody talking about their experiences, hard relates to like 3/4 of it
me: remembers that literally the only people who think i'm allistic are coworkers
me: remembers getting clocked as autistic within 15 minutes by literally everybody else at a plural meetup last weekend
me: "oh right"
on asking for clarification, disclosing neurotype, and ableism (1/2)
okay this one has been slightly bugging me for a few days:
being autistic shouldn't be relevant to asking for clarification. you need it for whatever reason, go ahead and ask for it, you shouldn't need to explain why.
disclosing one's neurotype (allistic, autistic, or anything else relevant) is a learned behavior to deal with other people not wanting to repeat themselves. it's hoping pity breaks past stubbornness when you give them a reason you need the clarification, and both of those reactions (pity and stubbornness) are ableist.
i think it goes without saying why pity or condescension here are ableist, so onto stubbornness:
communication relies on understanding each other. meaning is easier to get across within a neurotype but even within a neurotype, confusion happens. they happen more cross-neurotype, sure, but dealing with them is a part of communicating. and if somebody doesn't want to, that's on them.
on asking for clarification, disclosing neurotype, and ableism (2/2)
the takeaway from this: if you need a reason to explain yourself when somebody asks, you should probably do some introspection on that. not everyone is going to understand what you're saying the first time around, whether that's for neurotype or language barrier or just not getting it.
i try my best to be responsive when somebody asks me to clear something up, even when it looks like willful misinterpretation. i encourage everybody to do the same.
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Plural Café is a community for plural systems and plural-friendly singlets alike, that hopes to foster a safe place for finding and interacting with other systems in the Mastodon fediverse.